The humanitarian career I don’t want, part 1

I’ve been keeping my eyes open to new opportunities for a few months now. There have been some strong leads and some dead ends, but by far the most beneficial part of this process has been learning about the kind of jobs I don’t want.

A couple of months ago, I enthusiastically applied and interviewed for a job that I knew would do wonders for my career. It would be a great stepping stone that would fill in a few gaps on my resume and also build my Australia-based experience with a well-regarded company. I had a few niggling doubts about it: it seemed a bit dull, and would require focusing on my least favourite part of the international development field. It would require a move to a city that has no appeal for me. Wait…why was I excited about it? Because it would do wonders for my career right?

I was called up for an interview which I prepared for and did well in. Right after I interviewed for the position I went on a three-week holiday.

While I was away I received an email from the company telling me they had to delay making any decisions for a few weeks. About three days into my relaxed, amazing, energizing trip it seemed so obvious that I didn’t want that job. I would be bored and frustrated trying to be good at this job that required skills that weren’t my strengths. It was a great stepping stone for yet more jobs that required skills that weren’t my strengths. Progression on a path I didn’t want to go down. What was I thinking?

About a week after I returned home I received an email from the company reiterating that I had interviewed very well and would I send through my referees.

So take a guess what happened next? Was it:

A. Without a moment’s wasted thought I replied and politely confirmed that my situation had changed and that I was no longer available for the position.

or,

B. I drafted the email with my referees’ names and phone numbers. I tried to convince myself that my feelings while on holiday were the aberration, not the positive clarity I had thought at first.

Maybe one day I will answer A, but instead I chose B.

I spent one whole day with a strange headache as I tried to figure out whether taking the job or not taking the job was the silliest thing I could do.

Eventually, after less thinking and more relaxing, I remembered the confident feeling I’d had in the happy environment of my holiday when it was so obvious I shouldn’t take the job. Instantly, my headache disappeared.  The next morning I wrote the polite email that said my situation had changed and that I was no longer available for the position. That was about three weeks ago, and I haven’t considered whether it was the right decision since.

It occurs to me that I probably spent 3-5 working days in the process of trying to get and turning down that job. As a freelancer, I can actually calculate the cost of that process. Was it a waste of time and money? Not at all.

The act of turning down a job was a huge moment for me. I realised that I’m not indebted to this industry. Sometimes people will have you believe you’re lucky just to have a job, but it’s not true. I realised, not a moment too soon, that the sooner I get picky and the sooner I identify the role I want to play, the sooner I find the place where I can play that role.